I'm back!!! where's my party?

Michael,

You mean to tell me after months of my being away and the office in turmoil, I return and there's no cake? No ice cream? No banners welcoming home the prodigal son?

Disappointing indeed, indeed.

Maybe I'll get back on the road again.

P.S. How do you like my new friend? A little chubby but he's a good guy.

Sincerely,

Dwight Schrute

Assistant to the Cheap Regional Manager

Dunder-Mifflin, Scranton Branch

I'm coming back to Scranton...

Michael,

Despite the fact that in several months, I've never heard back from you, I have decided to come back to the hallowed ground and sacred land of Scranton, PA. I don't miss you so much as the paper business itself. And I need to check on my beets as my cousin really doesn't know much about them, except for hitting himself over the head with the stems as punishment.

Why haven't you written me? Or you so depressed that I'm not in The Office each day? Don't worry, I'll be back this week to get the place back into shape. I'm sure that malcontent Jim Halpert hasn't been doing any work at all. And Andy, well, I'm may just have to challenge him to a duel when I return.

I shall also attempt to re-woe the lovely Angela, despite her mistakes with Andy, I shall bring her back to the Dwight-side.

I am also bringing a friend back with me. He's a little strange but who isn't in our Office? If you don't like him, I'll just head back out on the road again. You see, I've changed since I've been gone. No more Mr. Nice Guy, I'm hard as nails now, living life on the road. If you had seen the things I've seen, you would cringe, Michael. Terrible, awful things happen in front of Old Navy each day. And in front of Brooks, oh, I can't even think about it.

It has been fun but I have missed my mentor, and the paycheck somewhat. So I shall return.

Sincerely,

Dwight Schrute

Soon to be Assistant (to the) Regional Manager Once More

Dunder-Mifflin, Scranton Branch

Happy belated Mothers day...

Michael,
I'm sorry I haven't updated you with my latest but I was visiting my mother Talula back in Germany. Yah, vunderbar. Ve had a vunderful time, eating beets and reliving childhood memories, like the time she hit with a stick for not wearing a tie with my bland colored dress shirt at dinner. Now you know why I always wear that at work, in case my mother shows up. She used to make me milk the cows, slop the hogs (swine flu, what swine flu?), plow the north forty and change the transmission on the tractor. All this before I was in the 3rd grade, that's why I'm a hard worker and am so smart. I owe it all to Mom and those little love taps with a stick just kept me in line better.

How about you? Did you visit your mother on Mother's day? Send her some canned beets? Some raw potatoes, a chicken, something? No wonder you're the way you are.

Well, I have nothing more to say.
Sincerely,
Dwight Schrute
Former Assistant (to the) Regional Manager
Dunder-Mifflin, Scranton Branch

Swine Flu? I don't think so...

Michael,

I've been reading a lot in the papers that I pick up in the trash about swine flu. I can't read some of the papers though, as they are coffee stained and covered with old Ben & Jerry's ice cream cones dripping with chocolate chip cookie dough.

Now I don't know about others but my two piglets, Andy and Angela, are doing just fine. Their Mom, Jan, is fine except for the small hole in her back. No sneezing, no coughing, no flu like syndromes.

Actually, I'm trying to fatten them up a bit because I've had a hankering for a good BLT sandwich lately and a good slice or two of ham.

Andy & Angela, the two dirty piglets, don't even have the sniffles, let alone a full blown flu. I'll keep looking after them though.

Could you send us a couple boxes of Puffs from the supply cabinet though, just in case their noses start running? Snot good. Drop it at the usual place in front of Old Navy.

Thanks,
Sincerely,
Dwight Schrute
Former Assistant (to the) Regional Manager
Dunder-Mifflin, Scranton Branch

need stamps???

Michael,

I hear through the grapevine (yes, those Old Navy guys do listen while drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes and swearing profusely) that your new company (Michael Scott Paper Company) is short of funds in your new mail machine and you're unable to stamp all your mail. (Maybe next time you can plan ahead on these crazy business ventures of yours but I digress.)

In the interest of fairness and all that is Schrute, I am happy to lend you a book of stamps so you can send out all your mail. Of course, I will have to charge you the customary 25% interest plus retaining fees which accompany all Schrute business transactions. In addition, you must promise to name your first born child, boy or girl, after me. It is standard procedure here at Schrute's Beets, Bed and Breakfast Corporation Inc. LLC. I will forward you the necessary documentation so we can complete this transaction.

On a side note, I hope you stopped by Ben and Jerry's yesterday for your free ice cream cone. I tried to get Beet Chip Crunch but they were all out.

Sincerely,
Dwight Schrute
Former Assistant (to the) Regional Manager
Dunder-Mifflin, Scranton Branch

I haven't been able to post anything...

Michael,

A computer virus worm of sort hit my computer. Sorry... more soon.

Raised heck with my beets, too.

Sincerely,

Dwight Schrute
Former Assistant (to the) Regional Manager
Dunder-Mifflin, Scranton Branch

A fine St. Patty's Day it was, Michael... I think...

Michael,

I can't discuss all the details of what happened on St. Patty's day in Burlington because as my friends in front of Old Navy say, "What happens on Church Street, stays on Church Street." Also I don't really remember much past my first green beer. Those things are as big as me and well, after the fine two ladies I met that night plopped me inside their beer steins, I had to drink my way out.

I beg you not to let Angela know, even though I still detest her for kissing Andrew and his losing Cornell Red Dogs of upstate New York. They screwed up my Nancy pool.

Here are some photos but don't send them to Packer like you did when you have bikini photos of Jan in Jamaica. That really wasn't very intelligent.

Faith and begorra, I think I had a fine time in Burlington on St. Patty's Day, but I don't really remember.

Sadly,
Dwight former green beer drinker
P.S. Maybe it's time to come home, I don't know.

A note from Pedro to Senor Michael...

My Nancy picks

Michael,

I need your help in an investigation. The person in front of Old Navy who gave me this Nancy pool is cheating. I don't know how but I'm determined to find out.

I picked the Morgan State Bears and he said they lost to the Oklahoma Sooners. A bear can beat an old boat anytime. He's lying.

He said the UCLA Bruins lost to a bunch of Wildcats from Villanova. No cat, no matter how wild ever beat a Bruin. Question. What do bears eat? Answer. Wildcats.

The Robert Morris Colonials lost to Michigan State Spartans? Spartans don't even exist anymore. What kind of nonsense is that?

The Akron Zips lost to the Gonzaga Zags? The what? Gonzaga? Zags??? Are you kidding me?

Cornell Big Red lost to the Missouri Tigers? Well, looking back, I can see that as it's Andy's old school. What was I thinking?

The Eagles of Boston College lost to the Usk(?) Trojans? An eagle could fly circles around a trojan and poke his eyes out, for crying out loud.

And last but not least, the Golden Bears of California lost to the Maryland Turtles? Ridiculous. A bear could crush the turtles shell and eat him in no time flat.

If I find that guy in front of Old Navy, I'll get him to give me my money back. If you see him, let me know.

Sincerely,
Dwight Schrute
Former Assistant (to the) Regional Manager
Dunder-Mifflin, Scranton Branch

Nancy tourney updates

Michael,

You will never beat me in the last place spot in this year’s Nancy pool – I meant to lose. I will now gain free entry into next year’s contest win and use the money to fund my own pool where I can run algorithms on everyone else’s picks to assure my continual winning.

By the way the bears of UCLA, California and Morgan St. will prevail again, don’t you recall Rule 17: Don't turn your back on bears, men you have wronged or the dominant Turkey during mating season.

There are 40 rules all Schrute boys must learn before the age of 5. Learn your rules; you better learn your rules. If you don't you'll be eaten in your sleep!

Sincerely,
Dwight Schrute
Former Assistant (to the) Regional Manager
Dunder-Mifflin, Scranton Branch

Okay, okay, I joined one of those Nancy pools...

Micheal,

As crazy as these college basketball fans on Church Street seem to be - I have decided to try my luck and predict some upsets in their Nancy pool. I am pretty confident in my forecasting abilities so here are my picks and my coveted rationale (which I am only sharing with you in confidence as when I win I am sure college sports analysts all over the country will be eager to know):

Boston College, as it is the closest school to Burlington VT where I am currently living - I can't pick a school from around here because all of VT's athletes are pitiful.

Robert Morris, to support a fine PA school and team - not that I believe any college is better than the school of life.

Connecticut, in memory of the former Dunder Mifflin Stamford branch.

Cornell, cause I know more about Cornell than Andy ever will and I didn't even go there.

California, duh - the Golden Bears.

Pittsburgh, yet another fine PA school and team - you didn't go to college Micheal (or one with any real sports) and you turned out OK.

UCLA, duh - the Bruins, in case you needed to the education - a bruin is type of bear.

Akron, in honor of the Dunder-Mifflin branch there.

Syracuse, because they are the closest team to the Rochester branch. Rochester is like a more affluent Syracuse.

Morgan St., duh - the Bears.

Sincerely,
Dwight Schrute
Former Assistant (to the) Regional Manager

Dunder-Mifflin, Scranton Branch

It's Madness Michael...

People all over Burlington have gone mad. The guys in front of Old Navy and Brooks keep coming up to me asking to join their Nancy AA Pool. They are throwing papers in front of me saying I need to fill out their paper work and brackets and give them cash by Thursday at Noon.

I'm not doing that.

All this college talk, N. Dakota State? Binghamton? Northern Iowa? Robert Morris? I went to college at the Schrute Beet School of Hard Knocks. I don't get it. Some guy named Billy Packer asked me if I could help him find a job. It seems he was supposed to be on TV last Sunday for some selection but he got fired. I told him to hit the road.

They say they are all meeting at Nectar's at 12:10 PM on Thursday to watch some sort of sporting event. I'm not interested unless it's gutting a bear or deer.

These people are nuts, talking about March Madness. Of course, I'd go mad too if I lived here as one day it's 50 degrees and the next day it snows. Scranton is sounding pretty good right now, who knows, I may be back soon.

Sincerely,

Dwight Schrute

Former Assistant (to the) Regional Manager

Dunder-Mifflin, Scranton Branch

I've written a book...

Michael,

I've found my niche, doing something I know and love even better than selling paper. I wrote about bears, as I am an expert having gutted my fair share of the Schrute Beet Farm.

Question: What is the strongest bear?
Answer: Wrong, the black bear is strongest.

Question: What do bears like to eat?
Answer: Wrong, fish and berries.

Do you know anything about bears Michael? If not, you should read my book. My publisher, Lenny, who stands in front of Brooks asking for quarters (hey, it's a living... at least that he tells me), is quite excited about my book. We only have two copies so far as that's all Lenny could afford down at Kinko's. Some days Lenny collects more quarters than others.

If you want a copy or two, give your spare change to Lenny tomorrow. I'll have him run down to Kinko's and make you a copy. For an extra buck in his bucket, I'll sign it for you. For two bucks, I'll have him hand deliver it to your desk.

Sincerely,
Dwight Schrute
Former Assistant (to the) Regional Manager
Currently An Author of Bear Books
Dunder-Mifflin, Scranton Branch

Will it ever stop snowing in Vermont???

Michael,

I was told by the locals that spring was here. And then it snowed two more inches and the roads were so icy, I fell on my head and as I don't have detached arms, I couldn't get up. I even asked my friends in front of Old Navy to help me up and they just laughed.

So, after a kind soul felt sorry for me and picked me up, I flew to Mexico. I needed a break from the cold weather. As you can see the weather is lovely, sunny and warm. The sand is perfect for cooking sea animals. Tonight I'm having dolphin but he doesn't know it yet. I bought a car as the deals are excellent now. Zero percent financing and they through in two strawberry daiquiris as incentive.

I like Vermont but am afraid I'm not coming back until the real spring comes. Even the clock change didn't help as I over slept and flew to Antarctica while on the plane. So, I'm out of money again. I did find a part time job that financed my trip to Mexico. I can't tell you much about how I made the money but I will say that it's amazing how much they pay for Moose skins here in Vermont.

I will have to find another job once I get back to Vermont. But not until it's warmer. They say in 3-4 months, it'll be nice there again.

Sincerely,
Dwight Schrute
Former Assistant (to the) Regional Manager
Dunder-Mifflin, Scranton Branch

I feel like a native so...

Michael,

I went skiing. Apparently, Vermonters can't figure out what to do with themselves when it's cold outside, so they grab boards, put them on their feet and go get colder. Makes no sense to me but it is their local custom, so I played along.

I had to make due with equipment that I made and found but it was worth it. The weather was great, sunny but lots of snow. I had a little trouble getting on the lift but I met some people visiting from Germany and I had nein trouble asking them for help.

Have you ever skied Michael? I didn't think so. Do you know what skiing is? Skiing began in Germany in the 14th century by a monk named Johann VonSkiingDownDerMount. Not many people know that.

Perhaps a future team building event at Dunder-Mifflin could include a skiing trip to Vermont? That might entice me to return to the office. If you could send me money for some real skis so that while I'm here, I can practice more efficiently, that would be appreciated. I don't need money for mittens, as you see my hands are conveniently tucked in my pockets. I do have to return the chopsticks soon to the local Chinese restaurant.

That's all for now. I'm headed out to Church Street again in pursuit of gainful employment. Wish me well, although I don't need it. I am infinitely more intelligent than half the people hanging out in front of Old Navy sucking down coffees and smoking their Lucky's.

Sincerely,
Dwight Schrute
Former Assistant (to the) Regional Manager
Dunder-Mifflin, Scranton Branch

Job Interview

Michael,

I had my first job interview at a construction company. It's called Lego's Rock. They build tiny buildings and the workers are quiet small, compared to me. I guess they do things differently in Vermont. Maybe the soil has something to do with it? I can't actually see the soil though as it's covered with snow, as usual. How do people live here?

I interviewed with the manager last Friday. When I met him, he introduced himself as Big Bob, Big Bob's "Lego's Rock" Construction Company. So I asked him what line of business he was in? (Tell Ryan, he'll get a kick out of that.)

Anyway, I thought they might need someone to sell paper but apparently not. They just build things out of Lego's. Interesting, NOT! A bear could rip through this stuff like it's nothing. Personally, I think Big Bob has some other issues but I am on a mission to find a job, not debate the intellectual aptitude of the native Vermonter. And it's still white here, not green. These people, I tell you. Can't name a state to save their lives.

I will continue my pursuit of gainful employment elsewhere.

Sincerely,
Dwight Schrute
Former Assistant (to the) Regional Manager
Dunder-Mifflin, Scranton Branch

Mardi Gras parade

Michael,


The longer I stay in Vermont the more I like it. It's past Ash Wednesday and yet these people had a Mardi Gras parade. Mardi Gras means Fat Tuesday and it was Saturday? These Burlingtonians can be strange but fun.

I attended alone as it seems the friends I've chosen (or who have thrust themselves upon me) are not always the best. I wasn't really in sync with that Lance guy but if you speak to Oscar, let him know I did get his phone number.


But I digress. I didn't get any beads or chocolate coins as I still find it difficult to grab things when my arms are attached to my body. If and when I ever return to you, Michael, could you work on that?

I trust you had a pleasant Mardi Gras, whatever day you decided to celebrate it.

Sincerely,
Dwight Schrute
Former Assistant (to the) Regional Manager
Dunder-Mifflin, Scranton Branch

Some guy named Lance Synch?

Greetings Michael!

My name is Lance Bass. And to Dwight all I can say is: Yo! Thank God I found you! I think my career is in a tail spin. I heard you were in Burlington. I was told that I was booked to perform at a place called Recycle North???

Since I am in tune with the environment, I agreed do play it. However, Recycle North does not appear to be much of a venue as it is a dumping ground for unwanted bobble-heads. Some kind soul told me you were in town and has brought me to you.

Maybe with your help I can finally raise enough money for my space mission. In any event, we b-heads should help each other out and stick together.

Michael, this is Dwight. Help me, this guy is loony! He can't spell, says he used to be a boy band called NSynch? No vowels? In synch to what? He keeps asking me if I can sing the bass part.

I don't people like this holding me back from my mission of... um... whatever. Anyway, he's crazy. Since he came, all these teeny-bopper girls, like the ones who work at Ben & Jerry's have been following us around screaming. It makes it hard to sleep here at the bus stop on Cherry Street.

I implore you to send cash to give to this guy with a fake beard. Be a man and grow a real beard, none of this little facial stubble. Stubble is trouble.

Sincerely,
Dwight Schrute
Former Assistant (to the) Regional Manager
Dunder-Mifflin, Scranton Branch

Snow bunnies

Michael,

I made some new friends. They don't talk much but I much prefer that anyhow. We played in the snow and it was much more fun than watching the MacDonna character attempt to sing to Alex. I did hear he's playing his sport again and hit a home-run yesterday. Whatever.

I'm enjoying my time in Vermont. It's not Scranton but what is? I probably will need to find a job soon as I haven't received any money from you via petty cash. Is there a problem? All those years I served you with all my heart and soul, what did it get me?

Well, I may never come back as these Vermont people are friendly. I will fill you on my job hunting experiences shortly. There's a recession on, I hear, so most people are nervous. Not me, I'm a Schrute and I'm loaded with skills. And my knives and a grenade, so if anyone doesn't give me a job, well...

Sincerely,
Dwight Schrute
Former Assistant (to the) Regional Manager
Dunder-Mifflin, Scranton Branch

Sprechen zie Vermont???

Michael,


I have been practicing my German here while in Vermont but most Vermonters speak either French or English. I know how to speak English, that's not really impressive to me. And French, well, we already went over that Green Mountain thing with the Ver and Mont. Silly peasants.


German is a man's language, lots of grunting and such. Gunten tag, mien frueline. Sprechen zie Deutch???


Nope, nobody speaks German here. Maybe I'll cross the border into Canada or New York. Must be someone there who speaks German. And I haven't found any German potatoes, just French fries. Quite disgusting. Nien.

What a bunch of Doomkoffs!


Sincerely,

Dwight Schrute
Former Assistant (to the) Regional Manager
Dunder-Mifflin, German Branch

People eat ice cream in the winter...

Michael,

It's crazy but true. It's 12 below zero here and snow everywhere these Burlingtonianiwicz's still manage to inhale ice cream. They all seem to be drawn towards these Ben & Jerry's characters.

I went inside but Ben & Jerry weren't there, just three teeny bopping girls who giggled the whole time I was in there. Maybe they haven't seen anyone as sophisticated as me before as Scranton is the big time compared to Vermont. Whatever the reason, I decided to have some, to try and experience all that Vermont offers. They had many different unique flavors, Chunkey Monkey, Cherry Garcia but they didn't have Mint Chocolate Beets, Hairy Beary or Battlestar Gallactica Crunchies. Personally I prefer a plate of shredded beets and bear meat.

As I left, the girls said to me, "Peace, love and ice cream!"

I told them, "Whatever". Stupid marketing gimmick, it'll never catch on.

And the mountains are still white, not green.

Sincerely,
Dwight Schrute
Former Assistant (to the) Regional Manager
Dunder-Mifflin, Scranton Branch

Lions and tigers and bears, oh my...

Michael,

I met some new friends and they all say hi. At least, that's what I interpretted as they are animals. I can only speak a little bear, so it was hard to tell exactly what they are saying.

After finally getting rid of my old friends, which I will never mention again (Alex & MacDonna), I am happy to be out in nature, living the wild life. I met a bear, a beaver, a frog and a moose, which apparently are indigenous to Vermont, and most people here have them as pets. They roam the streets quite often and love the Green Mountain state.

Question... Do you know why Vermont is named Vermont?
Answer... Ver mean green in French and Mont means big, giant hill.

What I don't understand is these big old hills here are not green but white. Maybe they should change the state name to Whitemont? Seems silly to me to keep the name Vermont when it doesn't make any sense. It's like Scranton, combining both Scran (get lost) and ton (lots of weight), meaning lose weight. Maybe Scranton should change their name to BiggestLoser, PA?

Sincerely,
Dwight Schrute
Former Assistant (to the) Regional Manager
Dunder-Mifflin, BiggestLoser Branch

I'm in cognito...

Michael,

I had to go into hiding as that MacDonna lady which acting pretty weird. Alex took off for Canada so I'm on my own again. I couldn't take it, she kept saying things like "An Aaaaaaa-Bomb, from Aaaaaaaaa-Rod!" and "Papa Don't Preach", it was making me ill.

Anyway, I'm laying low for a while. I'll be back in touch shortly.

Sincerely,

Dwight Schrute

Former Assistant (to the) Regional Manager

Dunder-Mifflin, Scranton Branch

Alex took a picture of me and MacDonna...

Michael,

Before Alex left, he took a picture of me and the MacDonna lady. I know how curious you are to find these things out. Personally, I think she's scary looking and I've gutted deer and bears. I don't have much time to chat as Alex took off for Montreal, something about needing to take the heat off this syringe thing and finding St. Catherines street and more women.


And I just realized he took my camera! Now where is my passport??? I have to go get it back.

Sincerely,
Dwight Schrute
Former Assistant (to the) Regional Manager
Dunder-Mifflin, Scranton Branch

My friend Alex and I are in a little trouble...

Michael,

My new friend Alex and I are having some media issues and I implore you to not read the paper for the next few days. It's a little embarrassing as while working out, Alex decided he had an infection or something, and injected himself with some liquids. It made his arms, legs and head bigger but don't worry, I didn't take any as my head is big enough. His name has been all over the local newspapers and on the internet which I read in the beautiful Fletcher Free Library in downtown Burlington. You should go read a book sometimes, the librarians are worried about you only reading Glamour magazines.

Apparently, Alex also played baseball for some professional team, the Yankees? Must be from north of us in Scranton. Anyway, he and I and his rather crude, older female friend will be out of touch for a while until, as he says, "The heat dies down." His female is nice enough but wears strange clothes and sings a lot. She said her name but I didn't quite catch it, Banana, or Madama or MacDonna? She has bleached blonde hair and is not attractive in the least, unlike my old love Angela.

That's all I can tell you for now Michael, but we are fine. Apparently, this Alex makes lots of money so we are headed to the Marriot Hotel downtown to relax and sit in the hot tub. We need to have peace and quiet because even though this blonde woman calls him a rod, people walking the streets have been calling Alex a hole.

And if you can explain what these Yankee fellows are to me, that would help me a lot. As far as I can tell, they seem to be a team that gets beaten severely by a group of men wearing red socks each year in October.

Sincerely,
Dwight Schrute
Former Assistant (to the) Regional Manager
Dunder-Mifflin, Scranton Branch

Penquin Plunge

Michael,

I made some new friends and we went swimming Saturday in Lake Champlain. It's called the Penguin Plunge and although a little chilly, the warmth of my new friends high-fiving my head kept me warm. Perhaps you could get a crowbar into your wallet and donate some cash as it benefits the Special Olympics. And don't use the petty cash for this, use your own money.

My new friend, Bryan, has a place you can send some cash. Please visit his fundraising website at:

www.firstgiving.com/bryanconnolly

Perhaps next year, you can get off your nice warm couch and raise some money too???

Sincerely,

Dwight Schrute

Former Assistant (to the) Regional Manager

Dunder-Mifflin, Scranton Branch

I decided to increase my muscle capacity...

Michael,

I have joined a local gym to help my survival skills. It is near your office and is called the Fitness Center. Perhaps you should join also as I have noticed the numerous Snickers bars have gone to your waist again. You might also consider not parading around different departments in search of food. Remember a bear hibernates each winter and needs extra food, but you are no bear.

Repeat the mantra, Beets and Barbells, Beets and Barbells, Beets and Barbells. It will do you good. Stay away from the all you can eat breakfast restaurants, I know you've been banned from Penny Cluse already. Try to resist.

More soon, I am off to do my 45 crunches, 50 sit-ups, 500 pound bench presses and 6 hour run on the treadmill. The trainers here are no match for me, I will beet them to a pulp with my tiny little hands.

Beware the Snickers bar!

Sincerely,

Dwight Schrute

Former Assistant (to the) Regional Manager

Dunder-Mifflin, Scranton Branch

Can you send me some cash?

Michael,

As you can see, I broke my glasses and went to the local optician for some new ones. Perhaps you can grab some money from petty cash, as you usually do for your afternoon Snickers bar, and send it my way. Please give it to my fine friends in front of Old Navy, they have promised not to spend it on coffee and cigarettes as they did last week.

Do you like my new frames? It's all the rage on cool people here in Burlington, Vermont. I checked my new Google Earth today and found out Vermont is near Canada. Did you know that? No wonder it's so cold here, and please send my jacket soon.

I noticed some of my former co-workers have become followers of this blog, but not you nor anyone from your business office. I think it's imperative for them to do so. Perhaps you can call a meeting and direct them to do so.

I will be in touch.

Sincerely,
Dwight Schrute
Former Assistant (to the) Regional Manager
Dunder-Mifflin, Scranton Branch

I tried to visit you one last time.

Michael,

I came by this afternoon to say my official goodbye to you but you were out. Apparently, you and Mr. Stinchfield were at Nectar's partaking of your favorite lunch time beverage and french fries with gravy. That will not help either of you lose weight so I advise you to eat Schrute's Beets. I believe they are sold at the City Market.

I bought a digital camera at LeZot's on Church Street. You should try them. Anyway, in my travels, I plan to send you photos from time to time, as I know you are worried. Please do not concern yourself, we Schrute's come from strong stock. I did forget my jacket though and it's starting to snow. So if you could just hand it to one of my new friends on Church Street, next time you're out drinking at lunch, I'd appreciate it. My friends are the ones drinking coffee, smoking cigarettes, and asking for change 12 hours a day in front of Old Navy. It's an honest living, so please don't judge them.

That's all for now. Tell Andy I don't hate him but do admire his taste in women. Tell Jim I have nothing to say to him. Tell Angela I am well and eating my beets every day.

This week, I plan to start looking for work, although for now, many kind strangers have been giving me their change. If you see me in front of Brooks, please pretend you don't see me, it's better that way.

Sincerely,

Dwight Schrute

Former Assistant (to the) Regional Manager

Dunder-Mifflin, Scranton Branch

To Michael

It is with a heavy heart that I must inform you that I have left Dunder-Mifflin to explore the world. After discovering the only love (besides my farm animals) of my life Angela has been sleeping with Andy, I have decided to take a leave of absence from the firm. I know this is disheartening to lose your assistant regional manager without notice, as I am the most necessary part of our company, I know you will survive.

Please let all of my co-workers, who I know are worried sick, that I am fine. I will be using the survivors skills that I acquired as a boy and those I have learned as assistant to the honorary deputy of the Lackawanna Volunteer Sheriff's Department, to help me battle the elements.

I will report back to you from time to time, but please don't worry. I packed dozens of can of Schrute beets to guide me along the way and keep me regular.

I know it looked like I was thrown away in the last episode but that was just a trick. The Dwight K Schrute bobble-head doll will always survive any major catastrophe, even losing the love of his life, Angela.

If you wish to contact me, please respond via my blog dwightschrutetales.blogspot.com. Tell all my friends to sign up to follow my adventures as I plan to write a book upon my return, Dwight K Schrute, Tales of the Beet Eater. When I will return, I truly can not say. You can also sign up to be a follower of this blog, look to the right and do so immediately so that I do not have to email you constantly with updates. Now! Do it, please. It's vital.

I know you will depressed while I'm gone but that is understandable. Be strong.

Sincerely,
Dwight K. Schrute
Former Assistant to the Regional Manager
Dunder-Mifflin, Scranton PA Branch