Monday, February 2, 2009

I decided to increase my muscle capacity...

Michael,

I have joined a local gym to help my survival skills. It is near your office and is called the Fitness Center. Perhaps you should join also as I have noticed the numerous Snickers bars have gone to your waist again. You might also consider not parading around different departments in search of food. Remember a bear hibernates each winter and needs extra food, but you are no bear.
Repeat the mantra, Beets and Barbells, Beets and Barbells, Beets and Barbells. It will do you good. Stay away from the all you can eat breakfast restaurants, I know you've been banned from Penny Cluse already. Try to resist.
More soon, I am off to do my 45 crunches, 50 sit-ups, 500 pound bench presses and 6 hour run on the treadmill. The trainers here are no match for me, I will beet them to a pulp with my tiny little hands.
Beware the Snickers bar!
Sincerely,
Dwight Schrute
Former Assistant (to the) Regional Manager
Dunder-Mifflin, Scranton Branch
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4 comments:

  1. AnonymousFebruary 5, 2009 at 7:26 AM

    Dwight,

    We can't wait to get you in here and whip you into shape. Scranton people are no match for Burlington VT trainers.

    We will make a survivor man out of you.

    Sincerely,
    the Fitness Center trainers

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousFebruary 6, 2009 at 7:24 AM

    Dear the Fitness Center trainers...

    you are no match for a Schrute... game on, I say...

    Sincerely,
    Dwight Schrute
    The Beet farmer who can't be Beet!

    ReplyDelete
  3. AnonymousFebruary 7, 2009 at 6:06 AM

    Hi Dwight,

    Andrew Bernard here. It's good to hear that you're beginning to work out. I was quite the fitness freak in college.

    Used to participate in an elite work out routine, top secret among Cornell athletes. I won't give away too much, but it had a little bit to do with Sweatin' and a little bit to do with the Oldies.

    In my years I've learned that you have to stay in shape to impress the lady folk. I used to bring my routine down to Teagle Hall, it's only like THE Harvard of Ivy League fitness centers.

    I'd walk around checkin' out the ladies and letting them get a good look at The Nard-Dog in my tight shirt and short shorts. As I passed by I'd often hear comments like, "Can you believe that guy? What an ass!!"

    So apparently my buttocks are unbelievable, even by Cornell standards.

    ReplyDelete
  4. AnonymousFebruary 10, 2009 at 9:16 AM

    Andrew,

    I attended the University of Hard Knocks at SchruteBeets, we look down on you Cornellites.

    Please do not bother me again, I am on a mission, what that is, I'm not sure yet, but I will figure it out.

    Sincerely,
    Dwight Schrute
    Former Assistant(to the) Regional Manager
    Dunder-Mifflin, Scranton Branch

    ReplyDelete

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