Swine Flu? I don't think so...

Michael,

I've been reading a lot in the papers that I pick up in the trash about swine flu. I can't read some of the papers though, as they are coffee stained and covered with old Ben & Jerry's ice cream cones dripping with chocolate chip cookie dough.

Now I don't know about others but my two piglets, Andy and Angela, are doing just fine. Their Mom, Jan, is fine except for the small hole in her back. No sneezing, no coughing, no flu like syndromes.

Actually, I'm trying to fatten them up a bit because I've had a hankering for a good BLT sandwich lately and a good slice or two of ham.

Andy & Angela, the two dirty piglets, don't even have the sniffles, let alone a full blown flu. I'll keep looking after them though.

Could you send us a couple boxes of Puffs from the supply cabinet though, just in case their noses start running? Snot good. Drop it at the usual place in front of Old Navy.

Thanks,
Sincerely,
Dwight Schrute
Former Assistant (to the) Regional Manager
Dunder-Mifflin, Scranton Branch

need stamps???

Michael,

I hear through the grapevine (yes, those Old Navy guys do listen while drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes and swearing profusely) that your new company (Michael Scott Paper Company) is short of funds in your new mail machine and you're unable to stamp all your mail. (Maybe next time you can plan ahead on these crazy business ventures of yours but I digress.)

In the interest of fairness and all that is Schrute, I am happy to lend you a book of stamps so you can send out all your mail. Of course, I will have to charge you the customary 25% interest plus retaining fees which accompany all Schrute business transactions. In addition, you must promise to name your first born child, boy or girl, after me. It is standard procedure here at Schrute's Beets, Bed and Breakfast Corporation Inc. LLC. I will forward you the necessary documentation so we can complete this transaction.

On a side note, I hope you stopped by Ben and Jerry's yesterday for your free ice cream cone. I tried to get Beet Chip Crunch but they were all out.

Sincerely,
Dwight Schrute
Former Assistant (to the) Regional Manager
Dunder-Mifflin, Scranton Branch

I haven't been able to post anything...

Michael,

A computer virus worm of sort hit my computer. Sorry... more soon.

Raised heck with my beets, too.

Sincerely,

Dwight Schrute
Former Assistant (to the) Regional Manager
Dunder-Mifflin, Scranton Branch

A fine St. Patty's Day it was, Michael... I think...

Michael,

I can't discuss all the details of what happened on St. Patty's day in Burlington because as my friends in front of Old Navy say, "What happens on Church Street, stays on Church Street." Also I don't really remember much past my first green beer. Those things are as big as me and well, after the fine two ladies I met that night plopped me inside their beer steins, I had to drink my way out.

I beg you not to let Angela know, even though I still detest her for kissing Andrew and his losing Cornell Red Dogs of upstate New York. They screwed up my Nancy pool.

Here are some photos but don't send them to Packer like you did when you have bikini photos of Jan in Jamaica. That really wasn't very intelligent.

Faith and begorra, I think I had a fine time in Burlington on St. Patty's Day, but I don't really remember.

Sadly,
Dwight former green beer drinker
P.S. Maybe it's time to come home, I don't know.

A note from Pedro to Senor Michael...